PANTS and Prejudice
by E arth. K id. T ree. H ugger
Summary: Set 10 months after SITNOP Gee still with Mas. he has imptnt part to play yet. Confessions of Gee Nicks and Pride and Prejudice crossover. After a movie night with the Gang and the Barmy Army, they find themselves replacing the characters in P&P GeeXDave
1. Better Than The Swan Of Avon?

**_A/N: Okay, here is my idea of a Pride and Prejudice and Confessions Of Georgia Nicolson crossover. I REALLY hope you like it!_**

**Friday 17 July**

**School Breakup Day**

**Movie Night **_**chez moi**_

Today was the last day of Stalag 14.

Ever.

Well, proper school anyway.

We have FINALLY finished year 11!

Yay!

No more berets.

Soon we'll be in 6th Form, and we'll have free dress.

Yay, yay and thrice yay!

But on the downside Slim and Hawkeye will still be there.

But Lindsay won't be.

She has finished Stalag 14 FOR EVER.

To celebrate the end of berets and gross skirts, I'm having a movie night _chez moi _for the Ace Gang and the Barmy Army.

So, strictly speaking the Barmy Army don't need to celebrate the end of berets and long skirts, but they still need to celebrate the end of uniforms full stop.

Spazzy is in charge of the DVD – why I let her be I'll never know, we'll probably have The Love Story of Mr. And Mrs. Vole.

Actually, we probably will.

But with Ro-Ro in charge of DVD's, we'd get a tutorial DVD on haddock snogging, Ellen would never have chosen a DVD, she would have dithered too much, and I have enough to worry about.

But what about Jools and Mabs?

They'd have chosen a good movie.

Damn.

I should have thought it over properly.

Ah well, I must get things ready for when they arrive.

**Half an hour later**

Done!

I've moved the coffee table and put lots of blankets and cushions on the floor; I've got lots of bowls of potato chips – no, Mutti didn't actually buy food, I did! – and plates of pizza.

I've got bottles of lemonade and coke.

Party time!

Yay.

Except no-one is here yet.

What to do, what to do…

**5 minutes later**

Am SO bored.

What to do, what to do.

**1 minute later**

I'm still in my school uniform!

Eek!

Ding-dong!

Oh, _scheiße_!

They're here.

Oh well, they'll have to wait.

Run, run, pant, pant.

Which pj's to wear?

Hm, the gigantibus Tele-Tubby ones or my cool Phineas and Ferb ones?

Definitely NOT the Tele-Tubby ones.

Phineas and Ferb it is.

They are the height of cool.

Honest.

I LOBE Disney Channel.

But I really can't stand High School Muscal.

It's so irritating.

And – argh!

It just annoys me HEAPS.

Anyways, natural makeup, as it IS a movie night.

"Bloody hell, Georgia! Stop doing your so-called 'natural makeup' and get your butt down here. I don't give a damn that you aren't wearing any makeup. It's a sleepover, dumby, and you'll get lurkers if you sleep in makeup!" Dave yelled. The sound came through my window.

"Oh, and you'd know would you Dave?" I yelled back. "Is there something I should know about?"

"A man isn't a real man if he hasn't tried everything!"

"Oh, so you mustn't be a real man then, Biscuit. Anyway, are you implying that you HAVE worn makeup and worn it to bed?! Are you on the turn, Dave?"

"I AM a Laugh. I had to try dressing up. For a laugh. Of course. And no, I'm not on the turn – come downstairs and I'll prove it to you!"

"Oh will you?"

"Yes. Now, GET DOWNSTAIRS! It may be summer, but it IS England, and it's FREEZING."

**10 minutes later**

**At the door**

The first thing I saw was Ro-Ro.

"Georgia Nicolson! We have been waiting here for half an hour for you to do your so-called natural makeup! You must be punished," Rosie said.

Rollo yelled "Pile on!"

And they all jumped on me in my hallway.

**A minute later**

**Suffocating still**

I can't breathe properly, and someone's hand in resting on my nungas.

I have a suspicion that it is Dave the Laugh.

You ask me why?!

Well, WHY is that he is the most rudey-dudey boy in the whole of England.

No, make that the whole of Europe.

But he IS vair vair nice to me.

Too bad I have Masimo, my one and only one.

It's vair vair good that his humpty dumpty ten months ago about the 'doing the twist' fandango with DTL only lasted 24 hours.

He isn't coming tonight, though, as he is my OLDER boyfriend, and this is a celebration for those of us who have only just finished compulsory schooling.

He may remember how young I am if he comes.

So he can't.

**1 minute later**

They have FINALLY let me go.

I glanced at my reflection in the hallway mirror.

My makeup was COMPLETELY smudged and ruined!

"That took a whole half hour to do!"

Jools grinned. "Well, you DID make us wait half an hour while you did it. Haha!"

I ignored her.

"And SOMEONE had their hand on my nungas. I wonder who that was?" I fumed.

I looked at Dave.

Everyone else did too.

Tom said, "Dave, you know it's disrespectful to a lady."

"What lady?" said Dave.

"Oh, Dave, you are skating on a VERY fine line right now!"

"You're not a lady, you're a Sex Kitty!"

"Dave, it's still not right," Tom said.

Jas nodded vigorously.

Rollo winked at Dave. "Ooh, mate, Georgia's nungas are vair vair cool, you were lucky!"

I ignored the idiot. "Again, my makeup is completely RUINED!"

Dave just looked at me.

I looked back.

He said, "You're mad."

"No, you're mad," I said.

"No, you're mad."

"No, you're mad."

"No, you're mad."

"No you're mad."

"You are the maddest Sex Kitty of the first waters."

"You are m –"

The bloody cheat.

He snogged me, so I couldn't finish saying that he was mad, so he won.

Damn.

And damn again.

But he is a vair vair groovy snogger.

With excellent nip libbling techniques.

Wait a minute.

I have Masimo, my one and only.

And only one.

He is my fabulous cakey.

And I luuuurve him.

But I can't seem to find the will to pull away from DTL.

**5 minutes later**

Still snogging DTL.

Number 6 ¼.

He's pulling away.

No!

No stopping.

"KittyKat, you can't keep your hands off me, can you?"

"Yes, I can!"

"Well, you can keep your hands off me, but you just can't keep your mouth off me."

He's grinning.

Shut up grinning.

Now!

Immediately.

"See, KittyKat, you can't deny it can you."

I am officially _ignorez-vous_ing him.

Dave looked at me.

I looked back (not saying ANYTHING, of course.)

And then he grinned at me.

A lurvely laughy grin.

"Nnnngh."

Dave laughed, came very close to my face as if he was going to snog me.

Come on, Hornmeister.

Snog me, you know you want to.

He got closer.

He was about a millimetre away from my face.

He kissed me on the cheek, laughed and went through to the lounge room.

Rollo, Dec and Edward were being general twats, wolf-whistling and going "Oooh, Dave, nice one mate!"

Bloody idiots.

Sven was too busy snogging Ro-Ro to notice anything.

Tom looked at me sympathetically.

Tom is quite nice.

I've always liked Tom.

Not like that, you fules.

As a brother-type person.

Jazzy was looking at me in a "you-are-such-a-promiscuous-tart" type of way.

Ellen had her mouth wide open, Mabs grinned at me and Jools was hanging on to Rollo.

She has no pridenosity.

Jas said, "I think we should go and watch the movie now."

I said, "Okay."

We went through to the lounge room to discover that DTL had eaten everything.

Everything.

All of the chips and pizza.

Bloody hell and _sacre__ bleu_!

And he's drunk all of the drinks too.

"Dave!"

"What?"

"That food was for everyone, not just you!"

"It's not my fault that all there is at home is lentil soup and there is no hope in hell of me eating that!"

I lunged at him.

"Oo-er, KittyKat," Dave said.

"Dave. NEVER do that again."

"I won't."

"Good."

"I won't because I won't be able to, because I already ate it."

He is unbelievable.

Jazzy stepped in. "I think we should watch the DVD now."

I didn't say anything.

Jazzy produced from her bag a DVD.

I went and had a look at the cover.

"Pride and Prejudice?" I asked.

How unbelievably naff.

"Jane Austen is the world's best writer," Jas huffed.

"What, even better than the Swan of Avon?" I asked Jas.

Jas has this naff obsession with Billy Shakespeare.

"Well… weren't they like, you know… from different… erm, times, or were they, erm… not… or something?" Ellen dithered.

I ignored her.

Jas said. "The BARD of Avon wrote plays. Jane Austen wrote books."

"Well, alright," I said.

I wasn't it the mood for a debate with Spazzy.

**_A/N: Did you like it? Please review. If I don't get any reviews, I won't carry on with this story. I'm not doing that thing that some people do when they say that if they don't get x amount of reviews they won't continue. I just want to know if it's worth it, and if it's going to work._**

**_Horns out!_**

**_Lottie_**


	2. PANTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

_**A/N: Hey guys, I need some help.**_

_**I'm trying to decide who is going to be who. I was thinking Masimo could be Wickham, but I can't decide about the rest.**_

_**I think maybe Georgia or Mabs is most like Lydia, cos if Lydia lived nowadays she would DEFINITELY be classified as a promiscuous tart. Kitty just follows everything Lydia does and is almost as bad. Maybe Gee could be Kitty, cos it's similar to KittyKat? But Kitty doesn't run away with Wickham and sleep with him before she's married (shock horror! Well, in those days it was), Lydia did. Who could be Jane, who lurves Bingley and Bingley lurves her but Darcy persuades him to move away and not marry her. Who can be Darcy? I won't have it exactly like Pride and Prejudice, cos that's just too hard, but I want it as close as possible. What about Mary, who is as boring as ever and always insists on piano playing and singing even though she's awful? I was thinking Jazzy Spazzy, but Mary doesn't get married in this. Oh well, maybe she could. LOL. I REALLY need some help, guys, so could you review with some ideas? Oh, and I'm still not sure about HOW they are going to end up in the story, so any ideas on that?**_

_**Thanks heaps!**_

_**PANTS AWAY!**_

_**Lottie**_

_**x**_


	3. Crap, I Laughed

_**A/N: Bonjour all! Sorry for the vair long wait for this chapter, I've been in muchos confusiosity on who to cast as who. Still not 100 % sure, but I'm hoping that all will be well. Lol. Well, here goes… I'm gonna start writing.**_

_**Horn!**_

_Jas said. "The BARD of Avon wrote plays. Jane Austen wrote books."_

"_Well, alright," I said._

_I wasn't it the mood for a debate with Spazzy._

**Watching Pride and Prejudice**

Ahahhahahahahahaha.

Must be one of the naffest movies EVER.

But although it's naff, it's actually rather good…

But NEVER, EVER, EVER tell ANYONE I said that.

Got it?

You'd better.

Oh my giddy God.

We're up to that bit where Lizzy and Darcy are doing the touchy-forehead thing in the sunrise, and Jazzy Spazzy is crying.

I haven't a clue why, it's not sad.

"Hey, Jassy, why are you crying? It isn't sad," I ask her.

"I'm – sob – not – sob – crying because – sob – it's sad – sob – because it – sob – isn't – sob – I'm crying – sob – because it's – sob – so – sob – happy – sob –."

What a wet weed.

Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My besty-pally is almost turning into Lindsay.

But (thank God) Jas doesn't wear thongs, chicken-fillets or have hair extensions.

And Jassy doesn't try to steal peoples' boyfriends.

So in fact, Jazzy is safe from turning into Wet Lindsay.

Movie's over.

"So, what do you think?" a voice from next to me asks.

OhmygiddyGod!

That gave me a huge fright!

I COMPLETELY forgot Dave was next to me.

"Jeez, Dave, you scared me!"

"Why?"

"Cos I forgot you were next to me."

"How could anyone forget that a gorgey Biscuit like me was next to you?"

He's got a fake-hurt/surprised look on his face.

It's quite funny actually.

I must resist the urge to laugh.

I must.

I most definitely MUST!

**5 seconds later**

Oh crap, I laughed.

And now I can't stop.

Fabulous.

Absolutely marvy.

But now Dave is laughing too.

Dave and I are having a laughing spaz together and the Ace Gang and the Barmy Army are looking at us weirdly.

I finally manage to splutter out "Jas was crying cos it was _happy_!'

"Cos it was _happy_?!"

And we both returned to our laughing spaz.

**Next morning**

I must have gone to sleep sometime during my laughing spaz cos now I can tell that it's light although my eyes are shut.

Someone is snoring next to me.

It's probably Dave.

I'll open my eyes and check.

Oh my giddy God's pyjamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Majorly hyperventilating.

I am in a white old-fashioned dress and I'm OUTSIDE under a tree and in the distance is a big house.

And no-one is here except for Dave and me.

And Dave is wearing old fashioned clothes that look hilarious.

He's wearing the same stuff that they wore in Pride and Prejudice.

You know, those white riding pants (known as jodhpurs in modern times) with flaps (but they don't have them on modern jodhs).

Erlack-a-pongoes.

What's happening?

I'll wake Dave up.

"Dave!"

"Whassamatter, KittyKat?" he mumbles, still with his eyes shut.

"THIS is the matter, Dave. Open your eyes. Look what we're wearing! It's gross! And look where we are!"

This time he opens his eyes.

He blinks a couple of times, wipes sleep from his eyes before he notices anything.

When he does, though, I wish I had I camera with me.

"Oh my GOD! What happened?! Erlack, erlack! Look at these clothes! They are REVOLTING!"

He's jumping around freaking out.

And I'm just laughing, basically.

When he's finally calmed down, he says "We're in that naff movie, Pride and Prejudice."

I remember Jas' words, and a realisation hits me.

"Dave," I say slowly, "Pride and Prejudice was a book first, and that book was a long book. Much longer than the movie. So if we really are in Pride and Prejudice, and if we've got to stay until it's finished, then we'll be here for a long time. A very long time."

At first Dave looks a bit annoyed.

But a smile slowly creeps up on his face.

"In that case, KittyKat," he says, "Let's embrace it and have as much fun as we possibly can!"

"Deal," I say.

"Then let's seal the deal with a snog," he says, grinning.

"Dave! If anyone sees us they'll frown upon us as it's, like, unacceptable in these times!" I exclaim.

"Who's gonna see us?" Dave asks.

Before I can protest, he leans forward and snogs me.

**Half an hour later**

I'm still snogging Dave.

He's right you know, who IS going to see us.

"Miss Lydia," a voice near us says.

We both break apart, looking guilty.

A girl in a maid's outfit stands next to us.

"Miss Lydia, I told you I would cover for you while you were with Mr. Dave Williamson, but they are adamant that you return home. If your family or anyone else ever found out that you were so intimate with this young man, you would ruin your family, and your sisters would never marry for the shame!"

Isn't she a maid?

Aren't I supposed to be the one that tells her what to do and not the other way around?

Good grief.

What do I say to her?

I know. I'll say whatever comes to my brain.

A brain usually saves the day.

"PANTS!"

Or not.

"Excuse me Miss Lydia? I'm afraid I do not understand."

"She said PANTS!" Dave says, and then has a laughing spaz.

And we all know that when Dave has a laughing spaz, I have a laughing spaz.

"Miss Lydia," the maid says, "we must go – quickly. And I don't understand what is so funny."

Which, of course, sets us off again.

_**A/N: Well, voila! There you have it, the long-awaited second chapter! Yay! Dave is a made-up character. Lol. I REALLY hope you liked it, and please review – I lurve getting reviews vair much.**_

_**Horn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_**Lottie**_

_**X**_

_**PS. This story won't have the same ending as Pride and Prejudice.**_


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